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hello?? [Mar. 9th, 2014|03:46 pm]
anyone still using LJ?
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passing [Sep. 26th, 2012|07:56 am]
For those who don't know, my Mother passed away yesterday morning.
I will be attending to arrangements for the next few days.
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hospice [Jul. 19th, 2012|04:49 pm]
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]

My mother is now in hospice and I will be focused on her care until she passes. she has been given several days to a couple weeks left. Handling the details has left me stressed and exhausted, I took tonight off just to try to get some sleep. I will be absent from the community until this is all over. Emotions run the all over the place, anger, sadness, etc. I guess having the experience of dealing with patients on hospice helps some. that's the update for now.
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disclosure [Jun. 18th, 2012|05:07 pm]
I am doing research on Leather/BDSM groups or clubs that require disclose of STDs (hsv,hiv or others)for mainly play parties or hands on classes. Any info would be appreciated.
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Leadership vs Facilitation [Jun. 14th, 2012|08:21 am]
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]

Where we need Leaders we have Facilitators, We as a collective (not community the myth) need strong leaders, it has been many years since we have had any. Now this is mainly the Hetero collective. Anyone can and has created a group, usually via Hetlife (aka fetlife) and make it up as they go along. To have the group with the most people seems to be the goal. Saying no to someone is counter productive, let all come, regardless of their history or actions. This is of course Bullshit, and we have reaped the rewards with less then honorable people. I am hoping that they wake up before a well placed public (and publisized ) lawsuit happens. If fetlife is the only place you are getting your lifestyle information, it's a poor diet.
there are my morning mussings for today
off to bed
oh, interesting article about fetlife here
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nice fracking weekend [May. 26th, 2012|04:00 pm]
[mood |soresore]

Ok, 3 hours later and I am minus a wisdom tooth and anesthisia is wearing off. I am thinking about adding Dental play to my repritorie, as the GIVER!! tortured for 3 hours as they took the tooth out piece by piece. So, soup and vicodin for dinner tonight. aside from that I have noticed that a lot of people on Hetlife (aka fetlife) don't really get outside of it for information or news. There is a running joke about the "counsel of elders" which most of us are in on. Some people have no idea it's a joke and take it seriously. Reading Leatherati.com helps to keep up to date. Next weekend is WILF (Womens International Leather Festival) I will be volunteering over at the Eagle for the mens sessions, had a blast last year and am looking forward to it.
Ok, more pain meds and more movies.
Have a great weekend.
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going to be a long night [May. 6th, 2012|09:54 pm]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]

I talked with my Mom today about hospice, it just made it more real that she is dying. She moved to Azle when she moved her to be closer to my brother and his family, then he died a few years ago. My sister-in-law went over the edge and has not been right since, she never visited after. I think I resent him dying and leaving me the only son left to take care of things. I was never the favorite of either parent, my dad died in 2009 and non of my step family told me, it wasn't that hard to accept. This is going to be hard for however long she has left, then I will have no parents left. I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to fall and relapse with my cancer next.
I am lucky to have zie with me, she lost her step mom who she loved more then her natural one.
She will be here for me.
going to try to sleep now.
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just stuff [Apr. 28th, 2012|06:36 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Fourth Friday last night, always good to see friends and catch up. today was R&R (rest and relaxation) did some shopping and now cooking fajitas for dinner. Tomorrow is a cookout with zie's family.

On the leather side, been dealing with some community drama which along with Master's Retreat made me look into seeing if Vetting could be brought back and how to police our community (or really collective conscience)

   [kuh-myoo-ni-tee] Show IPA

noun, plural com·mu·ni·ties.
a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.

a locality inhabited by such a group.

a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually preceded by the ): the business community; the community of scholars.

a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage: the community of Western Europe.

Ecclesiastical . a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule

collective consciousness

The term collective consciousness refers to the condition of the subject within the whole of society, and how any given individual comes to view herself as a part of any given group. The term has specifically been used by social theorists/psychoanalysts like Durkheim, Althusser, and Jung to explicate how an autonomous individual comes to identify with a larger group/structure. Definitively, “collective” means “[f]ormed by [a] collection of individual persons or things; constituting a collection; gathered into one; taken as a whole; aggregate, collected” (OED). Likewise, “consciousness,” (a term which is slightly more complex to define with the entirety of its implications) signifies “Joint or mutual knowledge,” “Internal knowledge or conviction; knowledge as to which one has the testimony within oneself; esp. of one's own innocence, guilt, deficiencies,” and “The state or fact of being mentally conscious or aware of anything” (OED). By combining the two terms, we can surmise that the phrase collective consciousness implies an internal knowing known by all, or a consciousness shared by a plurality of persons. The easiest way to think of the phrase (even with its extremely loaded historical content) is to regard it as being an idea or proclivity that we all share, whoever specifically “we” might entail
(taken from http://csmt.uchicago.edu/glossary2004/collectiveconsciousness.htm )

feel we once again need education on D/s relationships, basic safety and knowledge on dealing and living with STDs. We use to have a pretty good submissive support group that is no more.

Well, That's stuff in my brain for now.
Have a great weekend
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ghosts [Apr. 24th, 2012|01:05 am]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |enigma]

What are ghosts? A scent, a sound, music. A familier place where you see something out of the corner of your eye. They are feelings and memories, tastes, touch.
They are a part of our lives that make us who we are today.
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Writer's Block: The Walking Dead [Jan. 7th, 2012|03:53 am]

In case of an impending zombie apocalypse, what would be your weapon of choice, and why?
Shotgun with a blunt trauma back up weapon (baseball bat, ax). Shotgun easier to hit with one shot and the other to same ammo
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